I feel so rough...

Fake it till you make it.
These last few days have been so hard, between the stress of being unprepared for production, homework, tests, old relationships falling apart all over again, hurt feelings, my legs being in constant pain because of some weird rash thing, and trying to handle it all with grace, I have been feeling a little lost. I am nauseous with how stressed I have been, it just makes me sick. But I'm keeping a sparkly attitude for everyone else that is stressed. I am just ready for Winter break. I am ready for things to be good again. I feel like everything is just falling apart and all my attempts to save it are pointless.   I haven't even had time to write and finish any songs but I feel like I am going to explode.

Taylor Swift : Red

I just got the new Taylor Swift Cd, Red! I am a happy little lady about it<3 Die-hard fan for life! haha!

Things will get better.

I've been having a hard time the last few days. I just need to keep things in perspective I guess. The hard times I'm going through now will pass, they always do. This is only a chapter in my life...I just wish it were a shorter chapter! hah! I spent some alone time today at Starbucks, which is exactly what I needed. I just sat outside in the lovely 55 degree weather, wearing my favorite scarf that I got in Delft, drinking a pumpkin spice latte, and going over blocking for Pride&Prejudice. It has been a long time since I have been stress free, and these last couple weeks have been nonstop stress. Something life has taught me is that when you are down, you either have to stand up or write a song until you can stand up. Right now I'm kind of half standing and half writing songs, it changes with every day...but things will get better. I just have to keep a positive attitude and make the most out of the bad things.

I have seriously done NOTHING productive today and it is already 9:03PM and I'm trying to figure out how that can be!

Today was a very stressful day but my night was nice<3 I spent the evening cuddling with Hayden at Christina's house watching a movie, that I actually fell asleep for most of it. It was so relaxing to just get to lay there and be comfortable and warm. Tonight was good<3

I have make-up on my face that isn't mine. I have hairspray in my hair that I didn't put there. I am stressed out and I can't breath for a second. I try and then I am reminded how much of a mistake it was to contact you. You bring me nothing but pain. I trusted you and I was wrong to do that.

I'm so busy worrying about the fact that we perform Pride and Prejudice in SIX DAYS....


that I can't handle all this homework my teachers keep giving me.

I just want everything to go well, and for everyone to know their lines and their blocking and to have costumes figured out and sets done and for crew to know where everything goes....it is so much and I am feeling it today...a lot.

I'm about to go and get pumpkin cookies with Zac at City Bites and take my mind off of everything for a little bit.
It has been a really long week...and it is only Wednesday.

I have stayed up for twenty-four hours straight, as of like right now. Last night I talked to someone who I haven't heard from in four months. I haven't talked to him all day, so I'm having a hard time believing that things have actually changed..that they are going to be good again. I don't know. Today has been weird.

I went and saw "the perks of being a wallflower" this afternoon with my dad. I know he wasn't expecting much because he had never read the book. To be honest, I was a little spectacle too because the book was so perfect and I wasn't sure anything could reach the standards the book set. It happened though. The movie definitely did the book justice. Charlie is a character that, I think, anybody can connect with. Because at some point or another, everyone feels the way he did. Everyone deals with things that are out of their control. Everyone has to say goodbye to people the care about. Everyone gets hurt by people that they trusted. It is uncontrollably sad, but that is the case. On the car ride home from the theater, my dad was talking about how great the movie was. He had tears in his eyes as he talked about how those(as in Charlie) were the kinds of kids we worked with when he was a social worker/therapist. Those were the kinds of people he watched and listened to and talked to everyday and it broke his heart.

Fall Break : Day Five

Today was my first day volunteering at the Children's center at Bridgeway. It was a little hectic, but it went well! It is just once a month which is nice, but it feels good to volunteer for something.

I am so exhausted! I am going to spend the rest of the day working on lines and studying for my history quiz! 

Alsoooo Dexter comes on tonight! And then tomorrow I get to watch The Walking Dead and The Talking Dead! Woot Woot! <3 I'm a happy lady<3

Happy Saturday

I wrote part of a song today<3

Fall Break : Day Four

I am going to start the day by watching the special features of season one of Being Human<3 I'm such a nerd, but I love watching the special features on movies or other things. I love watching interviews and things like that. I find it so interesting!

I also have to study for my APUSH quiz that is on Tuesday. I have been trying really hard to bring my grade up and I am determined to have an "A" by the end of the semester. This is happening. I'm studying harder and turning in as much bonus as possible. I'm getting there, slowly but surely! :)

I HAVE to finish memorizing my lines today and tomorrow. Hopefully I will memorize them all today and then just review everything tomorrow. That's the plan...how well it will work, I have no idea!
Wish me luck!!

Also thanks to a little app called Voxer, I can actually TALK to Jelena for free, even though we are thousands of miles apart! It has been super good to be able to talk to her again. We've been able to talk pretty much all Fall Break, since I don't have school, and she is home sick.






Tomorrow Sabe and I have Nursery Duty at Church. Wish me luck on that too! It will be the first time I've volunteered there! I hope it goes okay, I am a little bit nervous about it! I'm sure it will be fine though!

Fall Break : Day Three

Today was full of lines and music and Big Truck Tacos! <3 I got a couple of things recorded that I can send to my Producer and a couple more pages of Pride&Prejudice memorized!

Fall Break : Day Two

I spent most of my day yesterday working on lines and watching season one of Being Human(BBC). I only memorized two more pages of Pride&Prejudice, but hey, that is two more pages then I had memorized the day before, right? I also went to go see Paranormal Activity Four last night. It was SO SCARY! haha! But it was a lot of fun! We ate at Ted's before and I ate far too many chips and far too much salsa. Mmmm<3

Fall Break : Day One

 This morning I woke up early and took a long shower. I spent about an hour outside playing guitar and singing my little heart out. I wrote a couple lines for a new song too, which I'm super excited about! Then I spent another hour working on lines for Pride&Prejudice<3 Today has been so perfect. It felt so weird to have the WHOLE day to myself! It is almost 6:00 and I have actually been home long enough to do something and relax! Fall Break came at just the right time for me. I think I might start watching the first season of Being Human(BBC) because we just got it at FYE. Fall Break is off to a good start! Tomorrow I'm going to go see Paranormal Activity Four with my Dad which should be fun :) Life is good<3 

Dear future bad days

Watch this video and remember its okay to enjoy yourself and have fun.

A Father's First Spring - The Avett Brothers

Oh how I Fall...

      There is only one more day until Fall Break. I am so ready to be able to take a breath. I will have F.I.V.E. whole days to finish memorizing lines, and practice guitar, and rest, and maybe write a new song! <3 I miss writing so much! It has been so hard to find time for anything these last few weeks, let alone time to write about my feelings! hah! I need to start doing the "10 Minute Write" thing every morning again. I have been kind of slacking on my morning routine.

     I filled up my car yesterday! I cannot tell you how amazing that feels. I feel like I could go anywhere and do anything! With a full tank of gas, this little Diva could conquer the world! <3

Had to get creative with my outfit today because I forgot to do laundry this weekend! 

Rehearsal was LONG today but definitely worth it! I am ready for Fall Break! WE GOT OUR SHIRTS FOR PRIDE AND PREJUDICE TODAY! I'm so excited! They are SOO cute! Gabi and I are going to match tomorrow and be cute forever! <3 

Pride&Prejudice :)

‎"Work on your lines till Dexter. Love you" - Text from Dad
Living the good life you guys♥

Also, I'm SO excited to watch the new episode of Walking Dead, and then Talking Dead!
BUT  I HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW NIGHT!
UGh
Life is hard sometimes.

<3 

On a happier note,

I am in LOVE with this song by the Avett Brothers <3

ANDDDD he wrote part of it in OKLA-FREAKING-HOMA!
Say what???

Okay, I'm done freaking out<3

I am going crazy trying to memorize act two of Pride&Prejudice. I have been memorizing all day and my head is about to explode....AND to top it all off, I have only gotten through five pages! I'm supposed to have everything completely memorized by tomorrow. Stressing.Stressing.Stressing.

Well, we didn't place in the One Act Competition. But you know what? I'm completely okay with that. It doesn't diminish the work we did on our production or make any of us bad actors. We got a chance to perform in front of people and that's why we do what we do anyway.

I wish I had more to say, but really life has been the same. I'm busy from dawn till dusk! My life is School. Pride&Prejudice, Homework, Lines, More Homework, Guitar Lessons. Lines. Lines. Lines. Homework.

Wasn't that poetic?

 It is 46 degrees right now! Brrr! Although I am kind of sickly, I feel pretty good! I am trying my hardest to get better by monday because that is when we perform Lizzie Borden! Wish me luck! Right now I'm bundled up working on English assignments that will probably NEVER END and then I will spend the rest of my day in a British accent going over lines and working on character development. Oh to be young again right? hah!

"Wherever you are, be all there."

I just thought this was really cool. I try to live by this as much as I can! I don't like doing things unless I can give them everything I have. So, "Wherever you are, be all there."I do a lot of different things, and am involved in a ton of things, so I think it is so important to have a present mind when doing said things. If I'm involved in something, it has my undivided attention, and that is that<3

Polarbearpants&&Hazelnut/VanillaLatte

Today the HIGH was 57! Is that not crazy? I just got home from practice and got Starbucks with Christina! I am so mad at myself because I left my backpack in the auditorium, so I can't do any of my homework tonight or work on lines very easily! Grrrrr! I guess this is God's way of telling me to take a break every now and then!

Today at practice, we learned a new dance. Emotions were high and everyone was a little frustrated. Regardless of it all, I tried my very best to stay positive, and be polite and work my little tale of to learn the dance! I did all I can do, now I just have to let the rest go, right? Anyyyyway! Here are some fun little pictures. I have oodles of homework and lines to memorize! <3

Pictures from October 2 :)

I am home alone running lines like nobody's business! All of Pride and Prejudice has to be memorized by Tuesday!! I am freaking out a lot about it! hah! I have little homework tonight and pizza is on the way! The rest of my night should be lovely, despite the fact that I am a little sick!


This line is so true :


ELIZABETH : "Really, you are too good. You wish to think all the world respectable. The more I see of the world the more I am dissatisfied with it; and every day confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters. I have come to distrust the appearance of either merit or sense." (Jory 39)