If I ever get some money put away, I'm gonna take it all out and celebrate

Things July has taught me <3

     Money is money and there is no shame paying for everything in change! Much of July was spent(no pun intended <3) with me living in my piggy bank, and that is perfectly alright with me.
   
     Work hard. I don't regret a single second I spent working hard...while I do regret some of the time I have wasted. Set goals and do things that help you reach them.

     It's okay to cry if you're upset. I've learned a lot this month that being in touch with your emotions and being able to express them, even in the most basic way by crying, is a good thing. It doesn't make you weak, but it does make your vulnerable. And being able to be vulnerable makes you stronger.

     If you spend more time writing out your frustrations with someone than being happy with them...then it probably isn't a relationship you want to be in. It is okay to say goodbye to someone. It doesn't make you disloyal or untrustworthy. It makes you strong.

     I watched an interview of the Avett Brothers from a few years ago. One thing that they said that really stuck out to me was along the lines of this : "When you are annoyed with someone, look at yourself and what you are doing that is causing you to think that rather than voicing your annoyances. " Take some responsibility for how you are thinking and feeling.


A couple things that I have happened in July <3 

     I graduated from JCasablancas!

     I got to see the Avett Brothers perform at the Chesapeake Center!

     I went to Kelly and Christina's Birthday parties<3



     July has been good. It has taught me a lot and I'm thankful that I have survived month 7 of this year! hah!
Hopefully August will be wonderful<3


Things I'm looking forward to in August :


     Signing with my Agent!
     School starting
     Going to the lake with Sabrina&Kayla (hopefullyy!!!)
   

Dear Future Husband,

Please be an exact replica of this beautiful man right here<3

 

/

School starts in 16 days. That is so crazy to me because this Summer has gone by really fast! I'm ready to get back in to a routine though. I'm ready to start working out for more than a week! hah! And I'm ready to be busy again. I hardly know what to do with myself when I have this much time!

So the last few days of summer, I'm going to eat whatever I want, and drink as many big gulps as I can possibly hold. I'm going to work my little butt off on my music and go swimming a ton! Hopefully that is what the rest of my Summer holds<3 

I'm going to make the most out of these next 16 days! 

It's been awhile since I've written anything. I'm sitting upstairs and I'm surrounded by 45's and instruments and books and Cd's and I'm just thinking about all the people that made these things. I'm thinking about all the stories behind every song that was written, the love, the pain, the anger, the happiness....all of it that was put into these songs...and I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. I am surrounded by generations of music, thousands and thousands of songs and stories and little pieces of people.

Its been pretty discouraging these last couple weeks. There have been a lot of problems with getting my songs ready and that is really hard. It is hard to hear again and again that they still aren't right and that I need to fix them again. I'm trying as hard as I can, I really am. I don't know what else to do.

Tonight is the Avett Brothers concert! I could not be more excited about it! I love them so much! So that's something to look forward to <3

Here's to you.

I put everything I have into that song, all the love I had for you, all the anger I feel for you now, all the mixed signals, all the false hope, all the lies, all the things that couldn’t happen, all the time we spent pretending, everything. I put it in that song. And when you hear it, you will know exactly who it is for. 

So number four on the album, that ones for you.

I broke down after recording the demo, I can't wait to see how recording it for real will be. 

This is my revenge. This is me putting everything out there so that you will hear it and know exactly what I think of you. 

It has been a hard seven weeks not talking to you.

I ended up not recording last week. I am spending this week doing rewrites and editing. I wrote a new song yesterday too! It is called "It's too late to say goodbye" It is my favorite one I have written right now. Anyyywayy. I will write more later.

The Moment of Truth

I am re-recording my demos tomorrow, but in the studio. I am so nervous. I am trying to keep all my emotions right under my skin so I can pull them out and use them for my music tomorrow. So the last couple days, I have been tearing up over completely random things. I know I'm going to cry tomorrow and I am hopingggggg that I will be able to turn that into an amazing recording. I just have to give the rest to God, I guess. I don't have any control.

Wish me luck.

Summer Rain <3

I did half my work out today because I am so tired that I just need to sleep. So I am going to go sleep in my own bed, which feels like I haven't done in about a week, and rest my pretty little head.

GoodNightWorld

Today has been really good! I hung out with Brant and it was so cute and fun and lovely<3 

Last Night was best friend night! Sabrina and Kayla spent the night! Kayla fell asleep, but Sabrina and I stayed up and watched Fight Club and took pictures! I missed those ladies a lot<333 

I haven't worked out the last couple days and you know what, that's okay because its the weekend and sometimes you need a break. So tomorrow I will start again and it will be great. Right? ;)

Every now and then I wake up in the morning(Or..more like the afternoon) and vaguely remember writing something on my ipod the night before. So I open Notes and I read the most recent thing that is written.
Last night I stayed up until almost four and even then I was forcing myself to go to sleep. So I'm laying in bed writing and barely keeping my eyes open...and not quite sure if what I'm even saying makes sense anymore and feeling a lot of things that I kept deep inside during the day because I'm afraid that if I unleash them in the light they will catch fire and burn me up completely. So there was no filter. There was no me going back and editing what I said and deleting things and making it sound nicer or more mean, or whatever. It was just me. It was the last six weeks. It was me missing you and me not knowing how to handle that anymore. It was long and it was painful to read this morning. I don't recognize the girl that wrote that because I don't see her very often. She is just as foreign and distant to me as you have been these last six weeks. I don't really know what to do with myself. I keep expecting to see you everywhere, but I don't. And I don't know yet if I am glad about that or if I'm upset. I think I go back and forth with it a lot of the time.

What I'm reading :

I'm not very far into either of them. I have to read "Death of a Salesman" for school, but the Paul Simon one is just for fun. I love reading<3



The main thing about playing the guitar, though, was that I was able to sit by myself and play and dream. And I was always happy doing that. I used to go off in the bathroom, because the bathroom had tiles, so it was a slight echo chamber. I'd turn on the faucet so that water would run — I like that sound, it's very soothing to me — and I'd play. In the dark. 'Hello darkness, my old friend / I've come to talk with you again'." - Paul Simon 

Work Out : Day Five!

It is three in the afternoon! I am not sore anymore, which is super lovely! I might change up my work out routine every couple weeks though to make sure I'm getting the most out of it! 

Anyway! I have made if five days! Two more days and its a week :) 

Work Out : Day Four

It's one thirty in the morning. I am sleepy. I want to go read about forty books and then sleep for sixty years. Sound good? Yes? 

I did my work out today! Four days in a row! haha! How exciting!

Ohh! And Happy July Fourth! 

Work Out : Day Three

It is almost two in the morning and I can hardly keep my eyes open...but I still worked out! I am not giving up that easily ;) 

Anyway, Here is a punny little picture that I found amusing! 

You're Welcome :) 

Work Out : Day Two :)

This morning, I woke up and made a smoothie. It looked kind of gross because I put strawberries in with the greens...so it was kind of a yellow greenish color, but it tasted delicious! After I finished I came upstairs and worked out! I'm going to finish drinking this bottle of water and go take a shower :)

I feel good<3 

Work out : Day One :)

Work out day one!

about half an hour!

Sabrina's shorts!

I feel good :) 

I'm going to make myself drink a bottle of water and then hang out with my dad down stairs!

Welcome to July :)

I promise I will finish all the Europe installments! I will I will I will!

BUTTTTT Today is the first day of July!

Things June has taught me :

1. I am in love with all things Europe.
2. It is okay to cut people out of your life, even if its just for awhile. Drawing lines like that is something I need to get better at. I've learned that it doesn't make me a bad person or even a bad friend to tell someone that the way they are treating me isn't okay. Nobody else is going to do that for me and I have struggled a lot with not letting him back into my life so easily. Honestly, I feel better. If he wants to be in my life then it is going to have to be on my terms this time because the way he handled things before wasn't right.
3. When the going gets tough, write a song. One of the most important things about writing songs and performing(of any kind) is to be vulnerable. That is still really hard for me. It is hard for me to let people see that side of me, but the thing is, that's what makes a great performer. So, I need to get comfortable with that. I need to learn to find the emotions that are inside of me and bring them out in a productive way.
4. Don't forget EVER again how much you love reading! This last school year, I really didn't do much reading, not because I didn't want to, but because there really was just no time! So this summer I have gotten back into reading and I cannot tell you how much I love it! <3
5. A good attitude can change almost any situation into a good one. I have had to go to class this summer even when I didn't want to, and that put me in a bad mood....but on the way there I sing in the car and get all those negative emotions out. When I get to class I am not only not in a bad mood anymore, but I'm in a good mood and ready to work!
6. Persevere. Life is hard sometimes. Classes are long sometimes. Rooms get messy sometimes....but if you pick yourself up, go to class even if you don't feel like it, and clean your room even when there are a million better things to do, it will pay off...and you will feel so much better about it!


Things I want to do in July :

1. Workout! I spent three hours today cleaning the loft so that we can put the Total Gym upstairs. I am determined to start working out again.
2. Write a new song.
3. Finish my summer reading and find something to love about the book :)
4. Eat healthier, instead of eating chips or drinking Dr.Pepper, make a smoothie or eat something with hummus :)
5. FINALLY finish writing the Europe Installments.


Things I'm looking forward to this July :

1. Rerecording my demos!
2. The Avett Brothers Concert!!!
3. Graduating from John Casablanca and signing with an agent!


     June has been a good month! It had a lot of new adventures for me! It has been a year since I started this journey into pursuing my career in music/acting/modeling. I have learned so much in just a year and I am really proud to say that I have grown so much as an artist and a performer! I am excited for what the rest of the summer holds! It has been lovely so far.


By the end of the month I want to be back to the 115 lbs I was at for most of the school year! That's my goal. It means only loosing about 5 pounds and I can do that! I just need to start working out again :)


Well! Welcome to July!
May it be a fabulous little month!