Honestly

I was honest with him tonight, probably more honest than I have been with anyone for the past few months, including myself. I told him that it wasn't fair. I told him everything. And now I feel like throwing up. There is a really good chance that I might lose him now. And quite honestly that scares the crap out of me. I'm sure most of the time, I sounded like a dumb clingy idiot, but that's just how being honest sounds sometimes. Because I didn't hold anything back this time. I told him that what happened last time was wrong. He apologized. I don't really think he will do anything about it though. I think that he is too comfortable where he is, and I'm not sure he is willing to change that. I know I'm making him really uncomfortable right now though, because I'm calling him out. I know that he isn't okay with everything, just like I'm not. Nobody likes having to admit they were wrong. But you know what? Oh well. Sometimes you have to do that, sometimes you have to be wrong. And that is okay, as long as you fix it. Is he going to fix it?

I have laid it all out there, and I don't do that. I just don't. I know better, but sometimes you just have to lay it all out there, or things will never change. And I want things to change.