Wake me up when September ends...

I cannot believe that September is already over! I know I say that about every month that passes, but it is ALWAYS true!

Here is a playlist that I have been listening to these last few weeks <3

Better Together - Jack Johnson
Come Back Down - Greg Laswell
Living Room - Tegan and Sara
Homeward Bound - Simon&Garfunkel
The Con - Tegan and Sara
First Love - Adele
Banana Pancake - Jack Johnson
Miss Sobriety - Cute is what we aim for
As Much as you lead - Lex Land
Crazy for you - Adele
Hey there Delilah - Plain White T's
Your body is a Wonderland - John Mayer
I am a rock - Simon&Garfunkel
Good Riddance - Green Day
The Fourth Drink Instinct - Cute is what we aim for
Stay - Sara Bareilles
Dear Isabelle - Lee DeWyze
Everything Must Go - Taking back sunday
The Sound of Silence - Simon&Garfunkel
Will you Return - Avett Brothers
When you were young - The Killers
Gravity - Sara Bareilles

Lizzie Borden took an axe...

We perform Lizzie Borden in a week! AHH! That is so scary!

"We found each other in the dark."

This is the best Cd to do homework to. It is relaxing and sweet, but not too slow that I don't stay motivated. I love it so much <3

Saturday Saturday Saturday

Study Study work work! Saturdays are probably my favorite day of the week. It has been nice and rainy all day<3 I got up and ran with Sabe this morning before I went to Taylor's to work on lines for Pride & Prejudice. Now I'm just eating popcorn and finishing homework. My music has fallen by the wayside a little bit these last couple of weeks. It is hard to find time for most things. I have still been practice guitar and doing free writs every morning and that helps a lot, but I miss writing songs and working on music all the time like I did this Summer. Maybe I will get back into all of that soon; It just has been a dry spell. But hey! it has been raining all day, maybe that is a sign or something! Also, I saw Looper with my dad last night! It was really good and I adore Joseph Gorden-Levit so much! I love him<3

WE ARE FINALLY DONE BLOCKING!
I could not be more excited<3

Breaks my heart every time

http://youtu.be/nty0udepDG4

It is weird seeing parts of your life without me. I feel sad and hurt and strong and weak all at the same time. Things are weird for me. You were a strange chapter in my life and I still miss you. It's gotten easier not having you around though, but I still think about you all the time. Maybe I am a stronger person than I was then, and maybe I know what I want more than I ever did, and maybe I don't trust people so easily anymore, and maybe you took a part of my heart when you left, but things haven't changed much for me.


"I see I dismay you. I am slow, even dilatory. I should have declared myself at an earlier date. But there were, of course, the family obstacles which judgement always opposed to inclination...but the very strength of my attachment has made it impossible for me to conquer my feelings and I can only express the hope that these feelings will now be rewarded by your acceptance of my hand. There...You have said quite enough, Madam. I perfectly comprehend your feelings. Forgive me for having taken up so much of your time, and accept my best wishes for your health and happiness." -Pride and Prejudice

This too shall pass

It is Saturday, FINALLY. I thought the week would never end! I woke up early today and went to help build sets and clean the prop works room. I stayed for about four hours! Now, I am home and about to do some more homework! Ick.
Sabrie and I are starting this running thing in the morning. We are starting on Tuesday. I figure that on those days I just won't work out, so I still have time to do everything. Not much else has been going on the last few days....just lots of homework, practice, and life.

Happy Saturday<3 

Also, I'm dressed like a watermelon.

You're welcome! hah! 

I am so tired and stressed today. I am going to FORCE myself to finish this english assignment even though I don't think it is due tomorrow just because I desperately want an A in this class. I will finish this, go to bed and wake up tomorrow feeling refreshed and ready for the day. Right?  That's the plan anyway. I could so easily just quit right now, not finish my homework and just go to sleep, but I'm not going to.....aksjdhaskjhdkasjh why do I care about my grades so much?

Pride and Prejudice watch party

Just a random picture from the Pride and Prejudice watch party at Darcy's house! <3

Fun Fact : I've lost four pounds in the last couple weeks! I have been working out for a little over a month now. It feels like so much longer! This is only like the 8th week of school?! It seems like soooo long since it was Summer! On the other side of things though, it is really good to be able to see progress. I have worked hard this past month, and it is going to pay off!

I plan on taking the ACT for the first time in December. I am really nervous that I won't do well. I guess I will just do the best I can and prepare as much as I know how. It is just nerve wracking because if I don't get a high score, it will hurt my chances of getting into a good college. But that is why I am taking it in December, so I will know what I need to work on. This is the starting point, right? I can take it as many times as I want.

I have to remind myself to take life one step at a time. As my dad always has to tell me, "You do what you can, and then you let the rest go."

Also, I'm considering joining Mr.Roach's creative writing club. It will either be a really good idea, or a REALLLYYY bad idea. I guess if I don't like it, I can always stop going! Soooo there's that!

It is only Tuesday though. This is really upsetting.

Tired. Tired. Sleep. Sleep.
Short Update on life!
Today was good, super long, but practice and my guitar lessons are going well. I am learning I and Love and You by the Avett Brothers! Yay! Ummm My sister just walked in with McAlisters and so I'm done typing...FOOOD!

I stay up and just stress myself out about everything. I'm looking at stuff for college and I feel so completely unprepared. I know I still have a couple years until I actually go to college, but I am feeling the pressure. Every time I tell someone that I want to be an actor and musician, the first thing they say is "Oh, well I suggest you have a backup plan." But the thing is...I don't want to have a backup plan. I want this to be my life. I want to work hard and have it pay off. I want to be the exception...and maybe that is selfish of me, and maybe I am being ignorant. I mean I would probably tell someone to have a backup too if they were in my situation, but to be perfectly honest, I am just not good at anything else! I am a performer. I am an actress. I am a musician. I am a songwriter. I am an artist. Without all of that...I am nothing. I don't know how to do anything else. So, I don't want to waste my time preparing a backup, when I could be spending all my time focusing on plan A. If you spend more time working on  your backup than you do your first plan, your backup becomes your first plan and I don't want that to happen to me.


Okay. I'm doing having my weekly meltdown.

End.Rant.

Practice Day 3 && Rain

     This is Christina and me in the dressing room <3 She kind of looks like Reba but she is supposed to be the Black Widow from The Avengers! haha!
     It didn't just rain today, "it rained torrents!" It was chilly all day, which is super refreshing after the 95 degree days we've been having. This morning my mom bought me a Chia Tea Latte and a cream danish from Starbucks and they were fabulous<3 I had a little bit of a melt down in 6th hour today when I started thinking about the whole situation I've been in since June. It's been hard and I'm hoping it gets better.
     We learned part of a dance at practice today. I danced with Taylor(Darcy), it was a lot of fun actually. We laughed most of the time! hah!

Anyway, overall, today has been good! I am in love with this weather and will spend the rest of the night doing homework and working on lines!

Practice Day 1 :)

Pride and Prejudice day one <3
Blocking. Blocking. Blocking. EWWW!
We only got through seven pages! AHHH!

I know the words are backwards. I have no idea why my webcam does that...but whatever! Anyway! This is my script for Lizzie Borden<3

Cast List!!

Today has been a whirlwind of emotions! Starting with the fact that I am feeling better today and went to school. I  didn't stay at school longer than first hour yesterday because I am sick! Ew :( So school, blah blah blah and then The Cast List! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!? I got Elizabeth in Pride and Prejudice!!! And Aunt Vinnie in Lizzie Borden! I am so thrilled!!! I am ready to start work on everything now!...but I have to wait until Monday!! AHHHHHH!!!!!  

So after school and all my excitement from the cast list, I had another meeting with KC and David. It was exhausting, buttttttt we finished "Be Into Me" and it sounds INCREDIBLE! I love it so much and I am so excited and to be honest, a little nervous to do all the rest of the songs. 

Now for the bad part of my day....I came home and watched Big Brother with my dad. This lovely man, Frank, got evicted and I could not be more devastated! I wanted him to win it all! Now I don't see the point in waking up tomorrow! We will miss you Frank<3 

Today has been a mess of emotions, and I am proud to say that I survived. Now to tackle the MOUNTAIN of homework I have this weekend. 

Until next time<3

Being sick is the worst. And I always get sick at the least convenient time. We find out the cast list Friday and practice starts Monday. I have tests and homework and lessons and of courseeeee I get sick! Butttt I will not stand for this! Ohhhh no I won't! I am drinking an ocean of water and taking Zicam like no other. I am determined to be better by Monday. This just will not do.

Even my bones are aching for Winter

     It has been in the 100's all week and unfortunately, it doesn't look like it is letting up anytime soon. I have never craved cold weather so much in my life. This is new and I am okay with that. I am learning to be okay with "new". I have learned a lot about myself this year. I was not the same girl last September. I didn't know who I was but I feel like I am getting a better grasp on that. I am figuring out that if I want something to change, if I want something to be different then I have to say so, I have to change it. It is okay to tell someone that you aren't happy with how things are. In fact, it is necessary, because if you don't let someone know you are upset, you are only enabling the situation. I say this a lot, I know, but the past few months have been hard, and I have felt pretty rough, but September is going to be a new start for me. I am going to make sure of that.

Oh, September!

Today is my parents' 28th anniversary! That is so crazy to me! Anyway, we are all going out to eat. We are going to this Italian restaurant and I could not be more excited! You know my love for pasta and bread! So, regardless of anything else, tonight will be made by the food! haha!

I woke up at about 8:30 this morning, and basically did nothing all day. It was kind of nice! I watched "the social network" (which was really interesting) and went on a short walk. It's been a good Saturday and I am so excited to have Monday and Tuesday off of school! I have my first guitar lesson with Aaron on Tuesday night, and then on Friday I am meeting with KC and David to work more on my music! This week I should be finding out the cast list for straight play and One Act and I am getting increasingly nervous! I want to play Elizabeth in Pride and Prejudice so bad! I don't even care if I don't get a part in One Act if I can get Elizabeth! 

I am excited for it to start getting cold again. That is such a weird thing for me to want, because I have always hated Winter, but regardless, I am ready for it! I want to be able to feel the cold air in my lungs and feel the tickle of a scarf on my neck. I want to drink hot Chia Tea Lattes and hot Carmel Macchiatos from Starbucks and be happy! These last few months have been really tough and I am ready to start feeling good again. I'm ready to not spend all my time thinking about the past and what could have happened or what should have happened. I want to live in the moment. I want to notice the things and people around me and feel good about it. It's hard to notice anything else with your head stuck deep in the sand. I need to breath. I am just ready to start living again! I feel like I have been on pause, or rewind. I've been living in the past and it's a really hard place to live. At first it is comforting to fall asleep thinking of all the things that aren't, but could be...but then you stop sleeping because those thoughts keep you awake. I am ready to fall asleep to something new. So this Fall, this Winter, It is a fresh start, a new beginning. And I'm ready for it.