Monday Funday

I am a tired little lady! I had practice until eight tonight and I also in between all that had to run to OCCC for my lesson! Today has been long but fun. I got a text from my dad on the way to my lesson saying that I have an interview with John Casablancas Agency on Saturday! Haha! So I will spend the next few days preparing for that and researching them! But I am kind of excited! Woot woot!

The workshop yesterday was really great! I'm feeling a lot better today. I took a shower this morning and had my mom french braid my hair while it was still wet. I'm excited to see what it will look like tomorrow! Haha! As dumb as that sounds!

Last night my dad and I were watching Glee and they were talking about what you are looking forward to and where you think you will see yourself in ten years. I was thinking about that and for one I'm a little freaked out that in ten years, I will ONLY be 26. It feels like in ten years I should be 46! But as I was thinking about it I was struck with the idea that in ten years, I (ideally) will be working on my fifth album! How strange is that to think about. I am in the process of working on my first album right now. It was just a little mind blowing to think that this is what I will be doing for the rest of my life! I couldn't imagine doing anything else though!

I am in the process of writing Oh, Darling. At first I thought this song was going to be sad and slow and now I'm not so sure. I was just playing around with it and that just isn't how the song wants to be! So I'm excited to see how this song will actually turn out, because I really have no plan for it now. It could be anything!

Dallas Bound

I'm leaving for Dallas in an hour or so. Last night was pretty tough and I didn't sleep very well. But today is a new day and God gives new mercies<3

Also, I slept with my hair in a braid last night and this is the marvelous result!<3

Big Gulp and Quiet

My house smells like fish and it is loud with the TV on and the dish washer going and people talking on the phone and just...people existing. I just want to be in the car, where I can surround myself with whatever I want, with whoever I want, with silence or with loud music, with familiar places or with places I've never seen before. I'm just tired and I'm being a little over-stimulated in this house right now. I want to be sitting on the floor somewhere quiet and writing and working on songs and getting some things done. That's what I want. I need silence and I need to not feel so crazy for wanting that. At the same time, I need to be with someone, someone that will let me talk about things or not talk about things and just be okay with it. I am sick of being around myself. I need something different. I went and got a Big Gulp by myself. I sat in my car for awhile but eventually I just felt weird sitting in my car alone so I came back inside. And It still smells like fish in my house. It is making me a little bit nauseous...well that and the fact that I am drinking like six tons of Dr.Pepper right now. It is cold outside and I just want it to be warm so I can sit and watch the moon and be still for a minute. I don't ever feel like I am actually still. There is always something on my mind that I need to be doing, or always somewhere I have to be or something....there is always something. I've been moving a hundred miles a minute for quite some time now.

Some Nights!

Addi's brother had this Cd for him this morning waiting by his bed! So he put it on his Ipod at lunch and gave me the burned Cd! I am such a happy lady<3 I absolutely love love love Fun. :)

Alsooo, I played my song for him tonight and we are going to work on it tomorrow. Hopefully all goes well :)

My sister and I look like twins!

I was looking though our PhotoBooth pictures and I found these. We look ridiculously alike! haha!

I don't know what I'm doing, but I asked you again to help my write the music for this song. I am probably going to regret this. I guess if you didn't know how I felt before, you will after this.

Off Target

After practice tonight I went with Jacye to Target because she had to get a few things. I ended up buying these really cute notebooks for no other reason then they were cute and I was upset...Well am upset I guess, but whatever. Now I have some super adorable notebooks and no lunch money for the rest of the week. I feel like listening to Adele really loud in my car, driving around for a few hours and just crying. That's the only thing I think would actually make me feel better right now. Also..my nail polish is looking pretty gross right now because I haven't redone them for a couple weeks...So cute right? Ohh and apparently, according to Addison, my arm tastes like cake batter. I don't even understand my life right now.

Ohh and tonight a six year old boy asked Addi and me if we were in love...That was awkward!

I have to be honest

I am afraid of finishing this song, because you will hear it...and know it is about you. I am afraid that I won't be able to finish this song, because then you will never hear it and never know that it was about you. This is going to be hard, harder than I could explain. I have been thinking, and feeling a lot about this song...there are so many months of tired wanting tied up in this song. There are so many months of misunderstanding and dissatisfaction and anger and happiness wrapped up in this song. I had to feel it all so that you might feel...something. This has been the hardest one so far. This has been the most personal...and I feel differently about it all the time.

I just got home

from Atlanta!

I am sleepy and have to be up early tomorrow so I will tell you all about it later.<3

"Don't forget the thing that brought you into this industry in the first place, you're emotions. Don't leave them out of this."

This is how it is right now

I probably could have fallen asleep at 7:30 tonight, yet here I am...at 9:30 writing. I'm just kind of in a funk. I have all these feelings and emotions and I'm struggling to articulate them to the people that need to hear them...let alone to myself. I'm working on some songs and I'm writing things down. I just feel like I need some closure, if that makes any sense. I'm kind of tired of talking about things, and I'm tired of not talking about them. I want to talk about everything and get it all out there. But at the same time, I just want to keep my mouth closed and let things be how they will be for awhile, because I feel like I've been fighting really hard for something that just isn't worth all the effort. I know that people have been telling me that for awhile, and I've been telling that to myself for awhile now too...but sometimes I just feel it. Its not something I can really believe...but sometimes it just hits me for these brief seconds...It will be gone tomorrow, it always is, but for right now I know that it just isn't worth anymore time. I don't know if that will change anything though because even though, right now I know it isn't worth my time, it doesn't change how I feel. I guess that's just how it is right now.

Willy Wonka

This is one of the most stressful productions I have ever been in! We preform in two weeks and hardly anybody knows what is going on! I know that we will pull everything together though. We always do and the show will be absolutely amazing, but this has been a very stressful process. Buttt on the bright side...the shirts are super cute!! :)

Bestfriend Brownies

I once told Zac that I would make him Brownies! Tonight...that happened! haha! He is a happy little boy right now!

Happy Valentine's Day

I'm spending this February 14th alone. And, ya know, that's okay because I've never needed anyone else to make me feel special or like I'm worth something. I am okay with doing things on my own. I spent today at school and at practice<3 And I like it like that! I get to spend time with so many people that I love everyday. I absolutely adore my wonderful friends<3

It snowed today

in Oklahoma.

Why :(

Starbucks run with Zac :)

Zac bought me a Chia Tea Latte :) I have the best friends ever<3

OMTA Senior Auditions Finalists!

I had a really good night tonight :) I hung out wish Addi, and I don't think I have laughed that much in a long time. It was perfect<3

It feels so much later...

It has been raining all day long. Rain is one of my favorite things ever. I have spent the last two hours sitting up here, in the loft, doing homework, writing and listening to my rainy day playlist. I have spent a lot of time thinking about things. I have spent far too much time thinking about things, but that's just how it goes sometimes. You just have to spend too much time thinking about things sometimes. That's what tonight has been for me, I guess. I mean it didn't start that way. I got my braces off today, which was SUPER exciting! AHH! After lunch, I had to go back to get my retainer and so I skipped my fifth hour and got some food. I sat in my car eating Chick Fil-A and listening to the rain. It was nice, even if that's not how it sounds. I came back to school for the last hour of the day and went to practice. After practice I went to City Bites with Addi and Zac and we all got pumpkin cookies<3 Those are my favorite! All of that was great, and then I get home, and I'm stuck working on a song that I wrote/am writing about a guy that things just didn't go how I wanted them to. And I'm left thinking about all those feelings that I had when I wrote the song and it just sucks, ya know? I hope that once I finish this song, someone someday can hear it and relate to it. I hope that it helps them, because it is nights like tonight that I wish I could just sing this song really loud in my car, like I do with a lot of Adele songs ;) I want to do that for someone. I also kind of wonder what the guy behind the song will have to say once he hears it?

Sisterzz fo' lyffee

BEFORE && AFTER

Pictures!!

Laundry Wednesdays?

So I normally do all my laundry on Sunday, that way I don't have to worry about it during the week. Well...I didn't do that this weekend...and so now it is almost thursday and I have NO clothes to wear...everything I own is dirty :( So I decided hey! I should put a load in so that I have clothes for tomorrow. Well what I didn't think about is this : Now that I have clothes in the washer, I have to wait to go to sleep so I can put them in the dryer! How upsetting is that! So...this is me, trying to kill time by writing about my stupid Wednesday laundry. I hope that this never happens again! I hate hate hate doing laundry during the week! It is the worsssttt!

This was me right before I rushed out the door this morning:)

Ri.dic.u.lous.

I have been extremely hyper today! Ohhmygosh! I'm a little bit ridiculous, but that's okay...right? hah! I am so excited that I don't have homework tonight! I cannot even explain it to you! I am also really proud of myself, because I went somewhere without directions that I myself have never driven to...and I DIDN'T get lost! Is that not the most amazing thing you have ever heard! I was far more excited about it than I should be! Ohhhh well! Haha!

Tomorrow is the day! I will finally be braces free! AHhhhhh! So excited! Before and after pictures tomorrow!! :)

Pre-registration :(

I hate nothing more than pre-registration for school. I cannot wait until the day that I never have to do it again!! ahhh!!!

On another note...I GET MY BRACES OFF ON THURSDAY...Just thought you should know! :)

Choreography Day One and a myriad of other things

Today started choreography week in musical. It is going to be a tough week! haha! It should be fun though. I am probably going to dinner with some friends after practice sometime this week, which should be a blasttt!

My sister is making dinner tonight and it smells reallllyyyy good right now!

I got home from my lesson tonight and my dad had bought me some sheet music and piano books so I can start learning another cover! He really wants me to do Perfect by Alanis Morissette next, so I will start working on that one tonight or tomorrow! Super excitedd!

I had to put an end to a relationship the other night. Nothing had come of the four months we had spent liking each other, and it was too hard to keep things how they were. So I changed it. I told him that we will only ever be friends, not because I'm bitter, but because I think that is what is best. I'm still not quite sure how I feel about the choice I made, because it sucks. It is really hard, but I'm hoping that it will be worth it in the end. We are still friends though. We are actually really good friends, we hung out last night and had a good time. I just kind of wonder what is on his mind, ya know? I wish I knew what he thinks about all of this.

I made some decisions last night that I really hope I don't regret. I just couldn't continue with things the way they were. If there is anything that I have learned from yesterday its that you have no idea how long you have on this Earth. And I just can't imagine wasting anymore time trying to make something happen that just shouldn't. It sucks right now, it really does, but I think that it will be good in the end. I think that this is how it is supposed to be. I will finish the song I've been writing about it and keep my mouth shut.

In a couple hours, I have to go to OCCC.

I am driving there all by my little self! I know my mom will be a nervous wreck the whole entire time I'm gone. lol. And I probably will be too!

Ohh and today is my bestfriend's first drive time! I'm so excited for her!

5:00 am realizations

While I'm not super excited that I have been waking up at 5:00 in the morning for no reason every single day this week, it has provided a lot of time to think. I don't know if you have ever been the only one awake in your house before, but it is surprisingly silent. There is not a single noise coming from anywhere in the house. You are left completely alone with your thoughts and that is a very rare thing. Sometimes I hate it, I hate waking up so early and laying in bed until I hopefully can fall back asleep. I have acquired this restlessness over the last few months. I cannot sit still for more than half an hour. I have to be doing something, always moving, always working on something. My mind is in this super weird 100 mile and hour mode, and it doesn't turn off, even at 5:00 in the morning.

Ahhh!!

I am an officially signed artist with Tate Music Group!!!

This song will be the death of me...

I just spent the last two hours trying to make the cover video for Bluebird! I FINALLLYYY did it, so I will be posting it in a few days! Are you as excited as I am?! It is such a beautiful song, and I am so thankful that Miss Sara Bareilles was lovely enough to write it.

I didn't sleep very well last night again. Lord give me patients with people today!

This is the plan for today :

Go early to school for math tutoring.

Stay at school for 472837492 years :(

Go to SouthMoore for Musical practice(Until 6:00)

Take Addi home and go home myself.

Make a cover video of Bluebird.

Send that cover video of Bluebird.

Homework.

Start working on a new cover.

And if I'm lucky...sleep:)

I may be realllllyyyy busy, but I'm doing the things I love, and that is what matters. I stress myself out sometimes when I think of how I am going to do it all, but it is never as hard as I think it will be. I can't wait for you all to hear Bluebird! I have worked really hard on it and I hope that everyone likes it!!:)

God is faithful and He will followthrough with the work he started.

Exhausteddd

I cannot tell you how tired I am, and I also cannot tell you how terrible it is that I haven't been sleeping well these last few days. I've been waking up two or three times a night and not being able to fall back to sleep. Tomorrow I have to go super early to school too, so I have to wake up at like two in the morning! (I mean...not really but I might as well be!) Also my gas light came on today while I was taking Addi home from practice...I am very upset...partly because there is like no money in the house to actually get gas, and partly because I absolutely hate getting gas. It makes me very sad every time this happens. Why can't my car just live off the sun or something...? I mean the flowers do it!

I am so sleepy!

Ohh! and Today is February 1st!!

I have made it one month of this incredibly hectic year so far! I will be posting my cover of Bluebird by Saturday! We are making the video tomorrow to send and then I will post it as soon as I can! Get excited people! I know I am! I have been working super hard to learn and perfect that song, and make it my own allllll at the same time! It will feel so good to have it done! :)